Internalization

[redrover]

I have never:

one
been a friend when I could have been more.
No one has ever hurt for lack of my love.

two
given grudging, bitter consent
pressed against a mattress,
head turned and eyes screwed shut.

three
been raped,
never had my sovereignty broken
by a man's violent takeover.

four
been catcalled on the street
or hastened my stride past a stoop full of
stretching hands
sharp voices
greedy eyes.

five
been afraid in a shadowed lot
fingers clutching keys against helplessness
while counting the steps from door to car.

six
been tested in any of the dangerous waters
that lie between a girl and a boy
when I swam too far from shore.

seven
been deemed too pretty for education,
too feminine for masculine,
too form for function.

I have:

called myself lucky
while wondering what's wrong with me.